Q: I just recently got married to my best friend. We have always had a healthy sex drive, but after the wedding things have gotten stale. Is this normal? It is on both our parts, not just one of us. I feel like something is wrong, isn’t this supposed to be the honey moon stage?
A: First of all, congratulations on getting married! We see many couples in the same situation. It’s important to know that all couples shift from the early, romantic stage of the relationship to a more companionate stage. Once the initial, romantic stage is over, sex becomes much more effortful. Even though you just got married, if you’ve been together a long time, this may be what has happened to you.
Another possible reason is work, family, obligations and other “have-tos” have gotten in the way. When this happens, at the end of the day, couples wind up without the energy to put into their bedroom lives. Our favorite quote sums it up: “Where the attention goes, the energy flows.” If you want a healthy sex life in your relationship, then you need to more attention and focus into it. The first step is to make sex a priority in your relationship. Here are some tips to help you re-ignite your passion:
- Flirt – During your courtship, you would flirt all the time with your partner, but once you became a couple, that ended. Why? Just because the initial courtship is over doesn’t mean the romance or playfulness has to be over. Flirt with your lover. Leave a note on the pillow telling them you’ll miss them when you go to work. Make your partner feel wanted. If you know your partner is having a rough day, send them a flirty text. Sexting is perfectly legal and should be encouraged among adult couples. It may certainly help that insurance seminar go faster!
- Be Creative – One of the pitfalls of being an established couple is that you both get a sense of how to satisfy the other. That’s a good thing, but being slavish to those tactics can also make your bedroom play more routine. So, mix it up. Most people use the senses of sight and touch during sex, but you have five senses. Use them all. Scented candles, ambient music to drown out the neighbor watching the zombie movie marathon, flavored lotions or even something as simple as a new negligee can add enough spice to keep your bedroom play from becoming routine.
- In the Mood? – In caveman days, a common way for a man to advise a woman he was feeling amorous was to club her over the head and drag her to his cave. In our experience, that method hasn’t evolved as much as we would like. When you’re in the mood, try some new ways of initiating sex instead of just saying, “hey, you wanna?” If your partner has had a bad day, and you figure sex won’t be on the agenda for the evening, you can turn it around. Pamper your partner with a prepared meal, a soothing massage, and some alone time.
- Try Something New – When we’re kids, we would get all excited about birthdays and the holidays, because it usually meant new toys. Well, now that we’re adults, we can still have the same excitement, because they make toys for us grown-ups, too. Thank you CalExotics!! Take a trip to a local couples store or go to an online adult store and try a new toy!
- PLAY! – Remember that sex can and should be fun. It’s something you do together for each other’s enjoyment and fulfillment. It’s okay to laugh in the bedroom (though, laughing and pointing is a no-no!).
We hope this helps. Wishing you more passion in your relationship!
~ Chuck and Jo-Ann
Posted in: Sex Questions