Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and so is the much anticipated movie version of the book, Fifty Shades of Grey. While we agree the book is not a good representation of the BDSM lifestyle or healthy relationships in general, the book series has managed to intrigue many women, spark their sexual curiosity and taken the nation by storm. And it has left many women and couples considering a wide variety of new ideas once relegated to their most secret fantasies. If you and your partner want to plan an intimate evening together after being inspired by the popular work of fiction and the movie, here are 9 ways to bring Fifty Shades of Grey into your reality:
- Find Your Inner Goddess –Anastasia definitely discovers and gets to know her true inner goddess throughout the book series. What makes you feel sexy and in the mood? The phrase “know thyself” applies perfectly to your sexuality. Don’t be afraid to get to know your body, recognize what feels good to you, makes you feel confident and explore and acknowledge your sexual desires. Discover your inner goddess …she wants to come out and play!
- Communication – When Christian and Anastasia began their tryst, it started with a contract in which they discussed, negotiated and agreed to. First, establish a dialogue. Go into the discussion with the mind set of making it a “win/win”, instead of trying to convince your partner to give in to what you want. Talk openly about the things that you like and want to explore. Be very clear and discuss what you don’t want to try (hard limits). Continue the discussion until you reach an agreement with which you both feel safe and comfortable. Honor that agreement and make sure you both have consented (said yes) to what is going to take place in the play or scene. Make sure you both have established a safe word to stop the play for any reason. Agree that both of you will stop the play immediately when that word is used. Trust is critically important!
- Flirt – We spend a majority of our time at work and away from our partners. Christian and Anastasia send flirty emails to each other daily as part of their foreplay. Flirt with your lover. Make your partner feels wanted and desired. Send your partner a flirty text or email. What do you want your partner to do to you? What do you want to do to your partner? Sending flirty texts and emails is perfectly legal and should be encouraged among adult couples. It may certainly help that insurance seminar go faster…just don’t use your work email!
- Gather Sex Jams – Anastasia loves the music Christian plays for her during some of their sex scenes. What music turns you on? Do you like slow jazz, rock, classic or pop music? Some people like slow and passionate versus hard and dominate music. Choose your sexy playlist together!
- Edible Fun – Christian enjoys both feeding her and licking some Ben & Jerry’s vanilla ice cream off Anastasia’s body. Try feeding each other chocolate, strawberries, ice cream or using flavored massage oils and lubricants on your partner’s body to awaken your taste buds. (Warning: If it contains sugar, of any kind, just keep it away from your genital area. A bad infection definitely ruins the fun!) Or better yet, just enjoy the natural tastes of each other!
- Blindfolding – Christian uses a blindfold often on Anastasia during some their sexual encounters. Being blindfolded is a simple but powerful trick to spice up your sex life. It keeps out visual distractions, creates anticipation and heightens your other senses! We recommend the Entice™ Blackout Eyemask. Check it out!
- Binding – Christian uses his grey silk tie, among other things, to tie Anastasia’s wrists and ankles. There are plenty of things you can find around your house for this purpose to help you get started: scarves, belts and of course, you can’t go wrong with a grey silk tie! Just remember safety is critically important. Do not use ropes, duck tape or tie tricky knots that are difficult to untie. For beginners, we suggest using products like the Scandal™ Corset Cuffs because they are beautiful, adjustable, comfortable, have Velcro® closures (which means your partner can’t get out of them but they are easy to remove) and can be used to bind wrists or ankles!
- Spanking – Christian often spanks Anastasia. If you have never felt the tingle of a fresh smack, it’s best to start with the basics: use your bare hands. So warm up those palms and scoot up your bum and let the spanking begin! Try spanking multiple times in a row with a slow, firm rhythm, either open-palmed or with your palm slightly cupped. You can also try products like the Scandal™ Paddle. Try vocalizing while spanking or having your partner vocalize their thoughts to you. Remember, safety first. First discuss the level of pain that is acceptable before you begin and use the agreed upon safe word to stop if necessary!
- Toys – Christian and Anastasia use many toys such as anal plugs, nipple clamps, riding crops, and Ben Wa balls and vibrators. Here are some we recommend for your Red Room of Fun: Flex it Up!® Pliable Silicone Probe with Designer Pull Ring, Entice™ – Crop, Scandal™ Over the Bed Cross , nipple play™ Silver Beaded Nipple Clamps™, Entice™ Weighted Kegel Balls, and the Entice™ Emilia™. Remember, toys can be a healthy and welcome addition to a couple’s bedroom practices.
Again, we know that the Fifty Shades of Grey book series are fantasy and should not used as a relationship or BDSM instructional manual. It’s a popular work of fiction that has definitely tapped into many women’s secret, erotic fantasies. So enjoy the fantasy. Give yourself permission to explore, play and bring some Fifty Shades into your reality!