There is nothing better than a good bedroom partner, and there’s nothing worse than a bad one. The irony is that it could be the same person, just on different days.
And with all the media focus on sex and sexuality, you’d think that couples would talk about it more than they do, but our experience is that they don’t. Honesty in the bedroom is not easy to come by. But the cliche of our profession is “communication.” We are constantly stressing to couples they need to communicate better, but there are more ways to communicate than just through conversation. Non-verbal communication can be just as effective, if not more effective, than talking. With that in mind, we’d like to offer five tips to help you get past the chatter and enjoy yourselves more as couples in the bedroom.
- Flirt – During your courtship, you would flirt all the time with your partner, but once you became a couple, that ended. Why? Just because the initial courtship is over doesn’t mean the romance or playfulness has to be over. Flirt with your lover. Leave a note on the pillow telling them you’ll miss them when you go to work. Make your partner feel wanted. If you know your partner is having a rough day, send them a flirty text. Sexting is perfectly legal and should be encouraged among adult couples. It may certainly help that insurance seminar go faster!
- Be Creative – One of the pitfalls of being an established couple is that you both get a sense of how to satisfy the other. That’s a good thing, but being slavish to those tactics can also make your bedroom play more routine. So, mix it up. Most people use the senses of sight and touch during sex, but you have five senses. Use them all. Scented candles, ambient music to drown out the neighbor watching the zombie movie marathon, flavored lotions or even something as simple as a new negligee can add enough spice to keep your bedroom play from becoming routine.
- In the Mood? – In caveman days, a common way for a man to advise a woman he was feeling amorous was to club her over the head and drag her to his cave. In our experience, that method hasn’t evolved as much as we would like. When you’re in the mood, try some new ways of initiating sex instead of just saying, “hey, you wanna?” If your partner has had a bad day, and you figure sex won’t be on the agenda for the evening, you can turn it around. Pamper your partner with a prepared meal, a soothing massage, and some alone time. If you have kids, send them out to the movies for the night to break the nightly routine a bit so you can focus on your partner. Sometimes, the key to romance can be as simple as having an empty house.
- Try Something New – When we’re kids, we would get all excited about birthdays and the holidays, because it usually meant new toys. Well, now that we’re adults, we can still have the same excitement, because they make toys for us grown-ups, too. Take a trip to a local couples store or surf the Internet. Things have changed in the last few decades, and adult toys are far more mainstream than ever. They advertise them on television now and there are even a few cable shows that review them late at night. Look at them together and explore.
- PLAY! – Aristotle once wrote that there is nothing so serious as a child at play. Well, as sexologists, we can tell you that adults can be darn serious about their play, as well! Remember that sex can and should be fun. It’s something you do together for each other’s enjoyment and fulfillment. It’s okay to laugh in the bedroom (though, laughing and pointing is a no-no!). Accept that there may be interruptions from time to time — the phone ringing, the baby crying, the dog needs to go outside — and deal with them. Heck, when they play baseball and have a rain delay, they still finish the game when the rain stops. Why should sex have to stop completely just because the neighbor wanted to borrow a cup of sugar. Give them the sugar, and get back in the bedroom and re-establish the mood. Make it Game-On instead of Game Over.
If you follow even one of these guidelines, you will breathe more life into your alone time together.
Yours in Romance –
Chuck and Jo-Ann